#idk ive been in this town for a year and i have work friends and i have the people i live with but i want to try to make more friends
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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ghosts-of-love · 1 year ago
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yo anyone wanna come to a national trust place with me today? 🍁🍂
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newtkive · 11 months ago
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pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]
ch. 1 - the gc birth
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in which two online friends navigate a romance through a minecraft groupchat with their stupid friends
or, newt, the quiet, stoic boy, and y/n, the bubbly girl both curse the world for keeping them apart, but at least they can send each other cute emojis and hope the other doesn't notice their blossoming feelings.
warnings: strong language, mutual pining, none really.
➥ m.list
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notes: hi :p im very new to writing on tumblr (but ive always been a reader) so pls bare w me! and im trying to revert back to being 14 (im 23 lols..) so im revisiting my old favs including the maze runner/thomas (bc i binged the artful dodger and now im obsessed again). there will be non-text chapters in the future as well, when everyone eventually meets. this will be newt focused so enjoy !! also everyone is like a realistic age from 23 to 28
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THE GLADE
[ 7:45 PM ]
alby added minho, y/n, newt, tommy, and gally
alby: Hello, guys.
minho: wtf is this
newt: uhhhh
tommy: hi :3
y/n: so this is why you asked me for my # in private
gally: i didn’t consent to this when i gave you my number
newt: don’t give strange men your number y/n
tommy: oh that’s y/n?
alby: Wait, Newt you had Y/N’s number already??
newt: yea
tommy: o.O
y/n: i gave it to him like two weeks after we met lmao
tommy: SO HE HAD YOUR NUMBER FOR A YEAR AND I DIDNT????
y/n: well he asked and you guys didn’t :p
newt: lmao
minho: ik he smug as fuck rn
not u asking for a girls number lmao simp
newt: stop
y/n: we all talk in discord anyways so i didn’t really think about it
plus you guys are friends irl so idk
it felt kinda weird to insert myself heh
minho: we’ve known you for a year and a half y/n
we play games all the time
call all the time
we even send packages and shit
you’re very much considered our irl friend
y/n: REALLY?? 🥺🥺
tommy: internet friends are real friends 😍❤️
minho: the heart eyes are crazy
but yes dude
newt: of course you’re our close friend. just cuz we live near each other and you’re a bit far away doesn’t mean we don’t adore you
minho: ADORE IS CRAZY LMFAO
but real ig
y/n: AWWWWW YOU GUYS LOVEEE MEEEEEE
hahahahha
HAHAHHAHJFIEKMGOR
I LVOE YOU GIYYYYSSSS IM PUTTING ALL OUR MINECRAFT BEDS TOGETHER LATER
gally: i do not want my bed to be infested by you guys
minho: gally sleeps in the corner
gally: no i dont i sleep in my mansion
y/n: cherry blossom mansion*
gally: and you sleep in a shed
y/n: cherry blossom shed* its pink and that matters.
tommy: love you y/n 😊🥰
y/n: love you tommy <3333
minho: that’s actually nasty stop now
y/n: u mad ur unloved
i love how the gc name is our minecraft town name :((
newt: aw it is
minho: can we talk about why tf this was made when we have a perfectly good discord
alby: I’m done with Discord.
newt: you got your shit hacked didn’t you mate
minho: mate 💀💀
british people so crazy
alby: Yes maybe..
I don’t want to make another.
y/n: or your old ass doesn’t know how to
minho: LMAO REAL
alby: Gonna ignore that. But I am getting too old for it. I have a new promotion at work so that means I won’t have time to play with you guys as much anymore. So I decided to make this groupchat in hopes to talk to you guys more to make up for it :)
minho: every group always has the old head with the job 💀💀
newt: minho admitting he’s jobless
minho: you work at a library be so fr rn
newt: i have an income. you have a room in your grandmas basement. we are not the same.
gally: LMFAOOOOOOO
minho: stfu :////
y/n: AWWWWWWW ALBYYYYYYY
tommy: YAAAY!!!!
im going to text you guys all day
tell you every meal
every thought
every interaction will be meaningful and glorious
newt: you are 24 years old you don’t have to do all that
minho: no fr im turning off my phone if he starts this shit
why not just do it before in the discord ??
tommy: easy access now and i tried before but stopped since no one really replied..
y/n: i say we all do it :D i will too tommy
newt: ok second thought that’s fine
minho: .
gally: that’s wild.
y/n: YAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!! NEWT YOU GO FIRST
newt: first with what
y/n: say what u ate today
newt: didn’t say i’d do it.
tommy: i ate muffin, monster energy drink, and hamburger :3333
you guys next
minho: that’s all you had bro..
y/n: hot cheetos and french fries and coffee :D
minho: ??????? BRO
how are you guys alive
y/n: it's my day off and no class so i just wanna rot in bed and that means no cooking
newt: please eat and drink water.
like for real and document it
y/n: ok wait
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there
tommy: yum!
minho: y/n..
newt: cereal does not count
y/n: I DONT HAVE ENERGY TO MAKE ANYTHING OKAY
im a 23 year old broke college student my fridge is bare
newt: alright what do you want?
y/n: wym?
newt: like if you could pick.
minho: that’s so cruel 😭😭 just making her imagine it
i like it go on.
tommy: i want chick fil a
minho: i knew you hate the gays
tommy: I AM THE GAYS?????
y/n: ugh that does sound good
mmmm chickem sandiwh waffle fry I Want that Os mYch
newt: that’s what you would order?
y/n: mmmcm yeahshhhhh
newt: ok
minho: that’s it?
i thought soemthing would happen
tommy: me too
like a spell! magic 🪄
y/n: sigh
my cereal tastes bad now
newt: well it is cocoa puffs.
minho: L cereal
y/n: DTOP SAYING L ITS SO ANNOYITIGJNGGGGG
minho: she so madddd 😂😂 L
newt: you're annoying minho
minho: youre just saying that bc shes saying that
newt: no ive always said it. and i will continue to. youre fucking annoying
minho: who bought you your coffee yesterday
newt: ???
myself
and i paid for yours too
im the one with an income
minho: .
well i didnt think youd remember that well.
newt: it was literally yesterday.
minho: yeah but ur old
newt: IM THE SAME AGE AS YOU
minho: yeah but im 🤗✨ 26 ✨🤗and youre... 26😬😔
tommy: guys stop fighting
newt: we aren't fighting
maybe this gc was a bad idea
tommy: NO!!!!!!!!!
y/n: NOOOO!
tommy: this is like y/n is here w us irl
y/n: awwwwwwwwwwwwwww
minho: no it's not. we would smell a foul stench if she was
y/n: i ahte you sooo bad.
wait there is a knock at my door im scared
newt: answer it
minho: aren't you supposed to say don't open the door for strangers ????
newt: well usually yes
y/n: no im not expecting company
newt: just do it pls
y/n: ok :D
minho: bruh..
i hope she gets robbed and u feel bad forever newt
newt: why would you want that
minho: bc she owes me money
newt: YOU owe ME money
minho: yes but i have a good reason she just wanted robux
tommy: Y/N DONT DO IT!!! I HAVE SEEN DATELINE
y/n: :o....
tommy: Y/N?????????
OH GOD THEY GOT HER
minho: why would she text a silly face if she got got
tommy: clearly its a surprised face
maybe its not her
its like those cut out magazine letters murderers use
y/n: who got me chick fil a!!!!!!!!!!
minho: me
newt: you literally did not
minho: shut up
y/n: newt it was u i see ur name on the receipt
newt: well
y/n: :(
newt: what why are you sad?
minho: im hungry too
y/n: u spent ur money :(
newt: you're hungry are you not?
minho: she's not but i am
y/n: yeah but..
i feel bad you shouldn't have
newt: just eat it or i'll be mad
minho: i think i want red lobster
newt: it's really no big deal y/n
y/n: thank you newt :(((((
newt: you're welcome
go eat and watch ur show or smth
minho: i owuld love to eat and watch a show rn <33 ohhhh im starving
newt: can you shut up
gally: im muting this gc if this means i have to deal with your guys' shit more than usual now.
minho: thank god
newt: good
tommy: good
y/n: good
the food is good too <3
newt: good.
_
lmk if you want to be tagged!
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wassupmygays · 1 month ago
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yap about ur headcanons about the socs pls!!
heheeh okay some misc things about the soc guys that have popped into my head throughout the week (im sorry this is so long)
EDIT: ok ive put it all under the cut bc it got so long but i do yap a little bit about each soc guy so please read hehe :)
Chet
chet and his family moved from california when he was in 3rd grade. his first friend in town was one sodapop curtis on his little league baseball team
his dad is a cop and wants to advance up the ranks, and his mom wants to make sure they keep up their good social standing, so chet was not friends with soda for long
you know those boys in like 5th grade that crack all the dumb jokes, hit all the door frames, and tease every girl "because he likes her"? thats chet and trip
this is inspired by @/sky4cherry iirc but chet does Nawt get attention at home man. his dad is always busy with work and a little mean (yknow how dads are in the 60s) and his mom is always working on the next social function or trying to appease his dad. anyways he is just always at another soc guy's house just to have someone Talk to him
i think he picks up drinking and smoking, and fighting, for a similar reason to bob: he just wants his parents to fucking notice he's doing something wrong. but theyre high enough now in the social and job spaces that they can just wipe any misdemeanors under the rug
i cant decide if chet is an only child, or if he has like 2 siblings that are way older than him. idk
Trip
terrance dipp is The Exasperated older brother ever. bro did Nawt want a little brother sorry melvin.
anyways unfortunately i do think trip is very much a guy's guy. that boy is Not a good boyfriend to marcia unfortunately :(((((( at least by the time we get to their sophomore year/the show
him and chet can not be sat together in class. they will never shut up or stop hitting each other.
chet broke his arm one time in like 6th grade. trip threatens to break it again at least once a month
ive said this before but ill say it again: trip and melvin are just soc steve and ponyboy. trip is so tired of his kid brother being in all his sports and trying to tag along to everything
that being said, he was looking out for melvin so much during the rumble. he knew their mom would kill him if he brought his brother home all beat up, but also he really really didn't want him to get too hurt.
he Always goes to marcia to patch him up after hes been in a fight. (after the rumble though, him and marcia are on the rocks, and hes got melvin to worry about. so he just sneaks melvin home and tries to clean him up before their mom sees. its actually a sweet bonding moment between them i think)
trip lovesssss verbally poking fun at any greaser in school, especially two-bit. after he realizes two-bit likes marcia, his mean jokes become a lot more threatening
(i do love trip i promise i just also think hes kinda a mean guy. you know the kind of rowdy douche bags in high school im talking about. im so sorry ksco and sean jones i promise i love trip kdjfkdjf)
Brill
clark brillstein i'll be so incredibly honest i dont have much in my brain for him :((( i gotta sit and think more
i do think he has one of the better home lives out of the bunch, and hes got his lovely perfect girlfriend, and hes good at sports, and honestly i think he just. gets tired of everyone thinking hes got it so perfect all of the time. i think maybe thats why he likes all the fighting so much
while he is relatively happy with his life rn, hes tired of being doted on like hes perfect. and also sometimes he sees everyone else's lives being so shitty, he feels likes hes got to pick fights to justify him feeling bad about his lot.
Paul
ohhh im gonna have to hold myself back from talking about him forever. he will get his own post at some point aDKFJDKFJK
anyways. paul holden. the messiest and most scared gay kid in the town of tulsa
i think he and bob literally grew up together. like their parents are Old old friends, so paul and bob have always basically been brothers despite a 2/3 ish year age difference (i dont feel like doing the exact math). i think bev's parents are also in this old friend group, so pauls known her forever too
anyways. he was probably the bob of his friend group in his class, which is why nobody really really protested darry being in their group. but i also think that when he was with darry, paul didnt really care about the whole social friend group of things too much.
contrary to popular belief i dont think paul is the friend-group-leader type. idk if that makes sense and i can yap about it more but.
anyways post-darry breakup paul is a fucking mess. hes sad and angry and those fights that darry was always trying to stop feel so damn good. maybe bob and his buddies are on to something, and bob's dad always has a full liquor cabinet
Bob
obviously we know the most about bob and his home life and inner psyche and reasons for fighting and honestly all of it really resonates in my brain. like yea im keeping all of that
bro has charisma to the max. like he has always been the ringleader of the friend group, even in like 4th grade when all the boys started becoming best buddies
he used to be such a mommas boy. before her praise just became so meaningless.
oh ive just had a revelation. he is an angrier and more resigned buddy aldridge from rotpl. his dad is pulling the strings to make sure his precious son is climbing all the right ladders.
the difference here tho is bob realized this earlier, and that started his spiral into fights and drinking and causing problems. he wanted to see what would finally make his dad stop covering and fixing everything for him. he never found that limit
he knows cherry cant stand the drinking, and i do think he does feel bad about ignoring her feelings about it. but his urge to push back against everything and spit in the face of anyone who tries to tell him how he should be just overpowers. and god everything is more fun when hes boozed up
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lily-alphonse · 5 months ago
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I was talking about this earlier with an anon, and now that I've found you, I am intensely curious: How would you make Gus/Willy work?
OLD MEN!!! OLD MAN YAOI MY BELOVED!!!
Gus and Willy are cute. I like this, I can work with this.
They quietly find comfort in each other. The kind of couple that no one really knows is a couple, big “they were roommates” energy, except for the fact that Gus has always been a little loud and fruity (look at his clothing! The mustache?!). But to anyone outside of the loop it could just look like Willy is a very dear friend.
But how does it start?
I feel like I have to plot their romantic pasts to get my head around it.
Gus grew up in the city. Part of the down-low queer scene, he had a few boyfriends. A couple of them felt like they could have been true love until reality hit, and there was nothing true about it.
He found love in his passions instead, in cooking and found family in a place where life moved slower.
I like to think Willy was married once (idk if we ever get any lore to confirm or deny this, im just a silly little fic writer I’ll slap an AU tag on this baby and call it a day if I have to). It was a good, practical marriage but they were never able to have kids, and his wife passed from cancer a long time ago. He left his life behind when she died. The house had always felt more like her’s anyway. He took his boat and sailed away to start a new life in a small town.
He arrived there long before Gus did, but Gus made himself a fixture in the town so much more quickly. What had taken Willy years took Gus mere days. Everyone in town knew his name and smiled when they saw him. Everyone loved his food. A man might’ve been envious at that, but not Willy. He just found it interesting.
So when Gus made his way to the bait shop it was no surprise. What was a surprise was the fact he had brought Willy food.
“Cookies? Shouldn’t I be giftin’ you somethin’, seeing as youre the new neighbor?”
Gus laughed. He had a bright laugh from deep in his chest that made the air around him sparkle. “Sorry! It’s the ultimate way into people’s hearts, I can’t help it.”
Willy hummed in contemplation, looking down at the plate of cookies. “I’ll take these on one condition.”
Gus shifted uncomfortably, uncertain if he was being serious. “That is?”
“You come in and try some of Willy’s famous trout soup!”
Gus laughed again, feeling relieved, and nodded. “Sure. Nice to meet you, Willy.”
“Pleasure to meet you as well, come on in.”
Conversation flows easily between them. Willy is chattier than people think, but especially to Gus. He likes how Gus reacts to his stories, his eyes widening at the good parts. And Yoba, his laugh.
But eventually they see the darker sides of each other, too. Sometimes, Willy gets sullen thinking of the past. Sometimes, Gus gets moody and short-tempered, and needs to be left alone for days. They always come back together, though.
They’ll sit in front of Gus’ fireplace warming themselves. Willy likes that it feels more like a proper home here than his shack. He likes how Gus wears soft cardigans and keeps his house smelling like cinnamon.
They don’t know if this is true love. It might be. Maybe it’s just the closest they will get in this life. But at least it’s warm.
Ow my heart
Send me any Stardew Valley rarepair and I will tell you how I would make them work! (Even non-marriage npcs) If youre lucky you may get a mini fic out of it. Check the list below to see if Ive already answered yours
Rarepair Masterlist
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foulfeast · 2 months ago
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Deeply embarrassed to ask this, but I looked away about a month back and clearly missed something important; who is Pluto?
OH GOSH DONT WORRY! :] i havent added any info on them yet in my pinned either, i really need to. I actually just explained this to a friend on discord so ill just copy it w some small corrections. Heres the babygirl themself:
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Tjey are a sorcerer in a world where like... magic is more treated as a science, just one that has for years been near impossible to control, replicate etc- incredibly unpredictable and ENDLESSLY complex. IT IS a collection of different energies that we dont have in our world, comparable to things like gravity, electricity, magnetism... idk what yet but i am working on it 🫡 ive been putting a bunch of finnshit in there so i think smth will at least be based on singing spells, so maybe some kind of a force similiar to vibrational energy? Vibration is smth that exists but a form of it that can change the physical aspects of smth or call to the physical elements/nature of smth- singing the ground into a swamp etc
And there is like a lot of lore starting to form about differemt eras of how people approached it - in short Pluto "grew up" on a version where people made an attempt to control it. They slid into a more modern thinking of "moving with it, communicating with it"- however, that is a bit surface level, and they still in actions do seek to control it.
They live in an old church like building- basically an old hospital, now a "town witches" home. Old people still come by to get help with things - so do some younger people who have exhausted other routes
(To be clear- it doesnt always work. Because of the whole unpredictability thing.)
However like... the last 30 yesrs people have moved more towards "modern scientific diciplines" like electricity, whixh is far easier to control
Magic is more powerful but only when successful
Modern sciences and old ones are NOT COMPLETELY SEPERATE! Magic could be ccompared to just electricity, igs just an exra energy in this world (there are different forms of it)
Like medicine & chemistry is closer to old sciences than the use of electricity
Pluto is a smooth charming motherfucker. Huge control freak and saviour complex, but they hide it well. Genuinely well meaning!!! A good person but deeply needy and it makes them capable of causing damage.
This is a lot of... me looking at nostalgia and how things were never fairytales, but there was still a sense of fancy to things when i was a kid - and in recent years it has made somewhat of a return, but i sometimes worry that that kind of nostalgia and openness can also be a way to regress. And then looping back to - how its also important to understand and parse past in a way that helps us learn from it, and take the good parts while mutilating the bad parts into a better shape, no matter how it hurts.
It is about time but "My Moon", a character whose design i need to fuck around with also brings an element of toxic codependency, where Pluto gets to act their chivalrous games and know things and guide someone and My Moon gets to stop growing and developing on their own as they get to always be saved.
So i guess thats still about time... two people who the time will pass by
Not as like, h8ing on tradition, on god, im someone who loves history and seeking answers in it. But like as an exploration of some of my experiences w wanting to regress to this state of helplessness and certainty of what has already passed. Maybe makes no sense :] ill work on explaining it better.
Allthough I wil say,if i ever do some full project w pluto, it will be more wholesome, at least on surface! There is a lot of love in their life.
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skunkes · 2 months ago
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I know this might not be a fun thing to think about but have you tried actually considering jobs you'd like to do someday and how you'd work towards them? You talk about art a lot but frankly I'd never recommend turning your single hobby into a career. I know it sounds silly but take some quizzes (not like BuzzFeed. Long quizzes on .orgs) on the subject and look over the results. Maybe you'll find a goal you can move towards outside of just leaving home, which only sometimes seems to make you happy. Personally I started going to college late (community college is wonderful and easy to afford if you're low income because of pell grants) with the goal of working towards a full time job that wouldn't make me want to die. Rn I work part-time, which you may also be able to get away with if you have roommates! It's a bullshit job but since I'm moving towards something it really helps me keep my head up!
Yes and no! Ive never wanted an art career even as a kid which is why its been so hard um for the entire rest of my life. I want an office job but thats very vague and i dont know anything more specific other than i dont want to be in charge of people or more important things LMAO
every job here pays $8/hr so if i had to go to work AND still live here id kms. Id still have 0 time for anything with my dad demanding my time not spent at work. Theres some opportunities kinda there out of town for me rn with some friends' help but idk if im equipped to survive, and its also scary bc i have no plan for an After (if i did get any of the jobs ykwim. Like if i got laid off or didnt like it id have to come back home i guess bc idk what else id want to do After. I have 0 clue on what im ever going to do...)
In summary: i have looked into it...! All i ever do is look up jobs and careers and experiences on reddit then i tear my hair out because nothing sounds tolerable or achievable and even with a specific degree the entry level job you need to spend years working in before you barely start making a livable wage might not ever hire you and thats usually when i make panic vent posts about how i have 0 future 😭 the potential stuff im looking into sounds tolerable but idk how much it pays yet...and then well all the stuff i mentioned about the loneliness and escalating of life difficulty for no real reason
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callie-shifts-apparently · 4 months ago
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WAIT I GET A TAG I LOVE THIS !!!! u must tell me all about ur fantasy dr now omg
RAAAAH OKAY. Im working on a Notion thingy that I'll link when its "done", and i loath everyday that i havent figured out the magic system yet, but heres the super basic outline:
- Its a european medieval fantasy setting, magic and mythical creatures and such (the only humanoids are like. Elves and Humans though, so not quite high-fantasy)
- I live with my adopted dad + mentor, Cassius, on this collection of floating islands called the Peregrine Islands
- Dragons are a fairly big part of the world but are severely under researched, so we work in a government funded program to study dragons. but this usually means just dicking around with them lol
- Gods are real (though not all powerful). the two primary Gods are Celia of the Moon and her sister Seraphis. Seraphis is commonly known as the sun goddess but shes technically a god of twilight and dawn. Celia's followers are all very different with different styles of worship but generally Celia sends signs through dreams, where as Seraphis dormant because every few hundred years she makes these big "miracles" and exhausts all her power
- The 9 levels of hell are real and each level has a legendary weapon associated with it. In order to keep the 9 Hells closed, the weapons are sealed away in each of the 9 capitals of the world. Eventually one of them (I dont remember which weapon it was my b <\3) gets stolen by this shapeshifter mf and pawned off to pirates but idk where that plotline is going juuust yet 👀
- im Super Cool and also Arospec in this reality so in my dr i naturally have a love triangle goin on 🤘 plan is polyamory but we'll see how it goes lol. One is a boy-next-door type from an old-western-style town me + Cassius visit sometimes, other is from an arctic tribe with these cool seaglass beaches i found on pinterest and immediately adopted into the universe jdbsksbsj
- yeah generally Stuff Is Going On LMAO but 99% of my time in my DR is me going on research trips, special requests from the princess, and housekeeping for dragons lol. eventually im gonna have to write a wholeass BOOK on them and even defining what a dragon IS is going to be such a task oml. but i <3 my work
- other animals like jackalopes and unicorns and phoenixes and merfolk will exist for sure for sure for sure, but ive always been autistic about dragons and that WILL NOT change there
- My riding dragon is a pretty common one but hes my bestest friend ever ever everrrr. Hes an orange + white feathered wyvern called Solstice and I'd die for him a thousand times over. His species typically keep to family groups in these like, year-round autumn forests near the peregrine islands? but during certain times of year theres like. 30-50 of them hanging out in fields to even out the food sources yk. without the camouflage of the forests they just rely on strength in numbers :] i have to go every year but honestly its a vibe. theyre a very docile dragon lol
- Cassius' riding dragon is a very serious girlie called Juno !!! Cassius worships Celia of the Moon very dutifully so even his dragon is moon themed lol. Juno is like a SUPER DUPER rare kind of dragon where they have a really long life span because their eggs almost never hatch. they only hatch on eclipses, and theyre super fun too because if they hatch during a Lunar Eclipse you get the horned variant (Juno), and if they hatch during a Solar Eclipse you get the frilled variant :D!!!! I gotta sit down and properly design them one day but AAAA
- OH Familiars also exist here!! they basically work as like a reservoir of magic if that makes sense? The spell it takes to get one is super tedious and draining but Cassius helped me with like, support spells so i managed. Familiars basically either can double the strength of one spell, or allow you to cast an additional one. They can take on basically any shape so long as its mobile because magic isnt stationary. Mine is a blue tiger cub named Tybalt/Tibby (Hes based on my favourite stuffed animal lol). most familiars are semi-tangible and pretty small - Tibbys about the size of a small rabbit. Familiars natively make like. Wind chime/glass clinking noises :3
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cryleforhelp · 2 years ago
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do you have any k2 fanfic recommendations??
HI ANO N Very honored u came to me for this lol i'm also going to be including fic recs my friends gave to me because i haven't been reading (ive been busy lately!) fic recs below the cut!
Mysterion Begins | K2/Kysterion | T | TW: None author: indirectkissesiniceland I'm still reading this! The chapters feel short but the pacing + story is so good. Kenny and Kyle's relationship in here is sooo ;;_;; it's so soft to me and I'm such a sucker for pining.
SUMMARY: Four years of college didn't get Kyle any closer to figuring out what he wants to do with his life, but his friend Jimmy pulls through for him with an opening in the newspaper office where he works. Newbies have never been known to get glamorous work, of course, and Kyle's first assignment proves it: a filler piece on a costumed vigilante calling himself "Mysterion." When a dangerous situation brings him face-to-face with the hero himself, however, Kyle—and the growing number of readers his articles on the friendly neighborhood superhero bring in—seeks the answer to a question that burns within him: Who is Mysterion? it's three am, i hope you're home | K2/Kysterion | T | TW: None author: JuniperTrees AGH.. SORRY I'M A SUCKER FOR KYSTERION. THIS ONE WAS VERY GOOD, I want to tell you my favorite part but I don't want to spoil it for you!! I think when you read it, you'll know which part it is (hint: it's near the end. LMFAO) SUMMARY: Kyle knows what he wants, but Mysterion keeps climbing in through his window. back to december | K2 | T | TW: None author: JuniperTrees AJGSKLKJHFG9AOJLGKHSHSJODGDKLHJSAGNBLDKFSHJSJGISLKBMSDHJSOIGKLSAGJNASKHSAJSGJSALDK TTHE Y FALL IN LOVE. AND THEY GROW OLD. AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. One of my favorite fics, I just really love seeing K2 grow up together and the way the author wrote it was phenomenal. SUMMARY: Kenny has always been involved with Kyle’s holiday celebrations in one way or another. Take Me High and I'll Sing | K2/Kysterion | E | TW: domestic violence, smut author: Courtanie sorry for being kysterion trash i didnt mean it. i actually really enjoyed this fic, i think the author did a great job on portraying kyle's character when it comes to him being concerned about kenny being mysterion (idk if that makes sense). it gave me a rollercoaster of feeLS and ugh... its... its soft. im so bad at giving opinions im sorry LMFAO SUMMARY: For far too many years Kyle has watched Kenny slipping in and out of his heroic persona, wondering each night if it would be their last together. But when it's his needs stacked against the safety of the rest of their town, finding common ground is far more difficult than either of them could have accounted for. Lionheart | K2, Creek | T | TW: None author: indirectkissesiniceland i haven't read this one, yet! though, my good friends recommended it twice AND it's by indi so i trust that this is v v v v good :) SUMMARY: For far too many years Kyle has watched Kenny slipping in and out of his heroic persona, wondering each night if it would be their last together. But when it's his needs stacked against the safety of the rest of their town, finding common ground is far more difficult than either of them could have accounted for.
Ok, Cupid It Isn't Funny Anymore | K2 | T | TW: None author: Courtanie this one is my favorite because i love the oblivious pining and k2 being the dumbest people on planet earth when it comes to each other. stan is so sick of their bullshit here KLJDSGLKSGJSDFLKJ SUMMARY: Years of sabotaging one another's dates and dancing around feelings have led Kenny and Kyle to fall into states of pitiable loneliness. Living under the same roof sure doesn't help the situation, but some vodka might. Playback | K2 | T | TW: None author: Corrupted_Quiet i love britney spears ok and kenny here loves her too. this is one of my favorite fics !! i hope you like it as much as i did too, i thought it was really cute and the way author uses music here is fun! SUMMARY: Kenny's always listened pop music, with its bumping beats, simple lyrics, and easiness at capturing the complexities of love. Sometimes he feels himself in those songs, especially when pining over Kyle Broflovski. No one else knows that part, though, secret kept between himself and his playlist of Britney songs. But one day, his music decides to stop playing quietly, and start blasting out of his head. Oh, baby, baby, how was he supposed to know?
Daywalkerpox | K2/Kysterion (Side Stendy & Creek) | E | TW: sexual content author: Zormikea THIS WAS THE FIC THAT MADE ME SHIP K2 EVEN FURTHER. I have to reread this fic because it's been a while but oh my god i could not stop reading it when i first saw it.. SUMMARY: It’s not love. It’s not affection. It must be a disease, then.
Kyle wonders if it’s curable. Kenny knows it isn’t. Peering Through Windows | K2, Cryle (Side Stendy) | E | TW: graphic depictions of violence, non-con, major character death, sexual content author: jwink85 PLEASE be super cautious going into this fic as it does include a lot of heavy topics and depictions of said warnings listed above. that being said, this was one of the first fics that i read coming back to the fandom (i found it through the animatic based off this fic LOL). personally i like it, i really enjoy the author's storytelling here and how she takes care of certain events happening in the fic. i get that this might not be everyone's cup of tea though! please note that craig here plays a heavy villain in this story and kyle is the victim of the villain in this story, so if they're one of your favorite characters and you don't want to see them this way i think it's best to avoid this one! SUMMARY: Kyle was so in love with the good doctor until he revealed himself to be a monster...by then, it was too late. Fell In Love with a Dead Boy | K2 | T | TW: None (character death but it's kenny's) author: spirograph I NEVER READ THIS ONE!! BUT MY FRIEND SAID THIS AS A RECOMMENDATION SO I'm going to put this down here for you! I hope you like it, anon! SUMMARY: In the 3rd grade Kenny dies for the first time. OKAY, I'll stop here. Let me know what you think when you read some of these, anon!!!!! if i had to suggest what to start off with first i'd suggest mysterion begins and/or daywalkerpox!!!!! two very very very good fics!!!!!!!! if i have anymore in mind, i'll reblog this with add ons!!!!!!!!!!! :DDD @herbietales and @allymumu helped me out with fic recs so if needed, you can ask them too!! <333
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hopskipandarump · 7 days ago
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today i woke up, thought about the group of old schoolfriends who are meeting in town around christmas, and ended up leaving the fb group they made because, to be honest, im probably never gonna go to a meetup again. i havent gone for a fair few years now, and i remember the last time i went i was just... there, i guess. i wasnt in the conversations, i wasnt really present i guess. just set dressing while everyone else talked about stuff like their jobs or their uni experiences or how life is now theyve moved out of the town or buying houses or their weddings or trying for kids and i just
i dunno
i enjoyed the time we had but i dont think i really relate to them anymore. our lives and interests are all so very different and i feel like i should have quietly stepped away earlier because i wasnt even invited to some of my (during our schoolyears) closest friends weddings
im trying not to sit here and feel like im lagging behind or beat myself up about it because im disabled. theyre not. and i have a lot in my life i enjoy even if its not the usual thing of "get job -> move out -> get house -> marry -> shit out kid" because i never was normal and there was no fucking way i was gonna follow the stereotypical life journey everyone says you have to
i have good friends who i share hobbies with, i know who i am and i know im happy not being in a relationship because the chance of me actually liking somoene that way is so low, i'll never be able to work a "proper" job and thats ok - i'm disabled and i get money to live but i still make a little bit of my own with youtube. i do keep thinking about moving out of my town or saving for a house but i have so much shit tying me to the doctors here and then i have no fucking money and the only way im realistically getting a house is i either inherit it or someone else buys it for me
idk
today is a weird feeling day
i didnt expect leaving the group to feel like a weight taken off my shoulders or anything. i expected to feel conflicted. these are people i was friends with and around for like 3 years before i had to change schools and we tried and i did like them but i think it was more friends made from proximity and fuck man idk im just venting
at least im not the first one to leave i guess, someone who was arguably closer to them also isnt in the group anymore and i dont think she talks to any of us anymore but its not like i would know given that i dont talk to them anymore past maybe one of them commenting on a tiktok or something
this isnt even going into the OTHER group from wales who pretended to put up with me when they didnt like me (other than 2 of them - which out of everyone i mentioned are some of the only people who invited me to their wedding, which i have been invited to TWICE in all the years ive knowsome of these people) and never told me to my face that they didnt like me or want to be around me and that all culminated in them just. not turning up while i waited for them at a convention. and they never replied in the group chat when i asked them where they were and the only reason i know they didnt turn up was because one of the two that i still talk to sometimes told me the group wasnt coming
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huntingteeth · 19 days ago
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Hi! Workin’ on any new fics lately? Love seeing what’s going on in your brain lol
omg that’s so flattering what
HM i don't know if i’m working on anything NEW necessarily, but i don’t mind gabbing about the wips i am working on:
1. chapter 5 of i’m yours in the end — i’m only about halfway through the first scene of this chapter and it’s a little angsty so far whoops
2. sleep token gravity falls au — this truly is just a blank doc so far but it’s a titled doc so i’m counting it as a wip! i’m thinking vessel runs the mystery shack, sleep is the equivalent of bill cipher, and then ii, iii, and iv either work at the mystery shack or are members of the town IDK we’re workshopping
3. chapter 2 of first to the feast — this is around 2.2k so far!! all the chapters are outlined in a physical notebook lmao but it’s uh got an intricate plot line which is why things are moving so slowly lmao. also it’s kind of a mixed media fic which is a little difficult to do on a phone and not a laptop
4. chapter 2 of ghost brawl 2k25 — ok so fun fact about this fic is that it was originally a winter soldier fic that i never ended up posting and i’m not in that fandom really anymore but i freaking KNEW it was a banger so i retooled it for sleep token lmao. i know where this chapter is going but i haven’t started writing it lmao
5. chapter 4 of when i open my eyes to the future — I’M WORKING ON IT PROMISE lmao the snag is that i haven’t figured out what iii’s stall is going to be whoops
6. a yugioh fic — lmao it’s ryou/yami bakura, with a dark!ryou perspective where he’s been in on yami bakura’s plan the entire time lol. it’s like short vignettes that are loosely connected so it feels dreamy lol
7. a stranger things wip — a magical au (lmao) where max is being haunted by billy’s ghost and they have to do something about it. steve is maybe psychic, robin is maybe a changeling, and it’s very focused on max, her best friend mike (lmao), and her better friend, el, who lives in the forest and is maybe a fairy.
8. a fantasy high wip - this is fucking wild lmao. kristen wants to have a vacation bible school style summer camp for cassandra the summer after junior year but it’s really a story about the feeling of when you’re a teenager and you feel like you’re too much and too annoying and it would be better if there was less of you
THAT’S IT, THAT’S WHAT I’M WORKING ON :)
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silvercrane14 · 6 months ago
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Kaguya-Sama: Love Is War - two students are in love with eachother but refuse to "lose" and admit their feelings. Instead, they have increasingly convoluted plans to get the other to confess.
Okay I will admit. this Is a romance and also ive only seen the anime. So actually this would fall more under anime recs bcs the english dub voice acting is AMAZING. Anyway tho its a comedy that I really enjoy. Its about romance but like. Idk I dont read/watch romance often so I cant say "its not like the standard romance plot". But its less about them Falling In Love and more about them Overthinking Everything And Being Silly. ALSO !! tho it takes a bit, it does go into the characters a lot. Very centred on the characters relationships !! Not just romantically between the main two, but in general.
Why I think you would like it: similar in "vibe" to nozaki-kun. Funny!! But it has its moments of seriousness and it understands its characters well.
Mushishi - Eye Have Not Read This im sorry 🙏 i havent even seen the anime so I dont actually know much about it but ive been recced it so many times I figure I should pass it to you.
If u like Natsume's Book of Friends you'll enjoy this. Genuinely I think this is my strongest rec for you on this list even tho I've never seen it. I really do think u wld enjoy 👍
Insomniacs After School - IM REALLY SORRY I HAVENT READ THIS ONE EITHER. I HAVE IT KN GOOD AUTHORITY U WOULD LIKE IT I JUST CANT GUVE ANY DETAILS. BCS IDK REALLY.
"Two young teens who can't sleep find companionship with each other. They must learn to overcome any challenges and figure out what's important to them."
Why I think you would like it: Ive heard its similar to Skip to Loafer in a way!!
Girls Last Tour - Two young girls explore a post-apocolyptic wasteland. They go through abandoned buildings and old towns in their journey, battling solitude eith only eachother
This one is a little sad. More likeeee. Meloncholy, yk? I dont have much to say about it. Very good manga.
Why I think you would like it: The character relationship between the two girls seems like something you would enjoy.
Look Back - to be super honest its been over a year since I read this I dont fully remember what happens. Theres this girl wjo draws comics for her elementary school newsletter. Shes funny so every1 really likes her and her comics. at some point another comic appears, but its actually just four panels of background art. Its so beautifully drawn that the other students begin to fawn over it. Angry kver her loss of attention, the first girl goes to meet the girl making these new comics (The background girl doesnt go to school, she works at home). Thr end up becoming friends and the story shows how their friendship develops and changes, growing closer and growing further apart.
The manga is p short for. a manga but its actually just a Really Long oneshot. Its rlly good. not much else to say.
Why I think you would like it: Very similar to Blue Period. About art and how it reflects people. Also very strongly driven by the relationship between the two girls.
The Girl From The Other Side - ive been typing so much i really cant give a whole review on this. Similar to WHA. kinda. beautiful art. read it u will enjoy it
Kaguya-sama I watched the first two seasons of! Maybe I should read the manga too, I did think it was fun
Mushishi I watched maybe the first episode of, but I should definitely try again,,, I don't remember anything about it lol
I've read Insomniacs After School!!! I'm definitely not caught up though, and I've been planning on watching the anime,,,
Girls Last Tour I,,, might have seen? At least part of it a long time ago. I'll have to rewatch/read the manga
Look Back sounds really interesting,,, I'll check that one out!!!
I'm actually reading The Girl from the Other Side in Portuguese rn lol I have volumes 1-5 on my shelf
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sightoru · 1 month ago
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hey scout!
not sure if I'm remembering this correctly, but you moved to another state somewhat recently right? I was wondering what that process was like and how you did it. I'm in a red state and really want to go to a blue one. But I'm just unsure of how to even go about it since I don't have a remote job. Any tips would be appreciated, thank you!!!
You are remembering correctly! I moved in with az (@/haruchiyos) in June of 2023. HOWEVER, I moved from a blue state in New England to a Red state in the midwest.... so the opposite direction. Tho I will say I live in a very blue area, which was kinda blinding this election season since I was like 'wow yeah its so liberal here' I forgot about the rest of the state briefly.
However, I will tell you in the 26 years of my life I have lived in 4 different states, and moved cross country 4 times :') most of these moves were not planned. when I moved to my current state it was like 3 days notice and when I moved I thought I was coming back lol (ill put those details in the tags). ANYWAYS, you'll have the benefit of... planning lmao. I'd start with looking at jobs first, and community is important. if you know someone in a blue state that lives in a city you like, I'd recommend making a visit. it would also be easier if you have a place to stay for a bit, and someone who can look at places to live for you.
the benefit of working at a major company also comes to play here, especially if you can transfer stores/offices/ etc and look for jobs. you might also have the benefit of a degree, which could make finding/switching jobs a bit easier (when I moved, I only had az. no degree, no license. it took a month for me to find a job, but I also hadn't worked in 3 years which added to the struggle. I worked for the last year at a grocery store chain, then briefly as a barista, before moving into a healthcare role which is nice and im finally in a type of job where I feel like im not at a deadend lol). Remote jobs can definitely help, but tbh remote jobs are so hard to get and very oversaturated. everyone wants one, making it harder to get one. (one of my friends WFH, and their rec is to apply directly on job sites for it instead of ziprecruiter/indeed/etc, since a lot of them are scams)
Look into subreddits for your city of choice, find what people like about it. ask questions!! ask about cost of living, safer parts of town, what's hiring. my city's subreddit has so many posts like that. if you have the stomach for it, look into working for the government offices/ city offices/ state offices in that city. the benefits you'll get are great and they tend to start much higher than minimum wage.
for friends, try Bumble friends ! look on Facebook for meet up groups. community is so important, now more than ever (which is why I recommended moving to a city where you know someone).
for states, California and New York are what come to mind for very blue states. Northern California is gorgeous and I loved living in New York. NY is where I'd consider home and I still get very homesick thinking about it sometimes. I think Vermont in particular was one of the most gorgeous states ive ever visited and the people were very friendly!!!! like unnervingly friendly idk maybe it was the proximity to Canada lol. Ive been talking to my partner lightly about moving out of this state once they finish college in a year and a half, and I mentioned moving back to New England area in general.
anyways, this feels all over the place!! I hope this helps and as always, im here if anyone has any questions!!!
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figula · 1 year ago
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another one in the "why my mum is endlessly worried im being abused" file -
she called me yesterday + talked to me for a long time about one of my old best friends and the situation sounds so grim i cant even fathom it and ive been thinking about it since
between 8-13 one of my closest friends was a girl called emma*
she was this tiny, sparky, zany little weirdo with a brain that was like - unrivalled, she was so smart, so gifted, so curious about everything
we kinda lost contact at some point bc we went to different high schools: she went to the local catholic school + i went to the local state school
her mother happens to be one of the most pre-eminent british harpists, and also my old piano teacher (small town sussex innit). for a quite funny ex of her status in the music sphere, ben was watching a youtube video about medieval instruments and i recognised the voice, looked up, and it was my old piano teacher?!?! anyway my mum's stayed friends w/ her all this time, going on 25y now i suppose
the story of emma goes as follows
at 18 she moved to london to work at a small online music publication. this was about 10y ago
she fairly quickly became involved with her boss - a man in his 30s, who had lived in london all his life
he seems to have money (my mum says emma's mum doesn't know where it comes from)
they stay together. i have no idea what happened in the interim really except that in the past few years they've bought a boat + have been travelling the world via boat. she has no job or income of any kind; he has all the money; they are both just like. on this boat at all times. if she wanted to leave i have no idea how she'd do it
all of this would be concerning but less horrifying if they did not have a FIVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER together. he is an extreme antivaxxer and anti-school etc so this girl has never been to school or had a single shot. she just lives with them on the boat. currently they're moored in zanzibar. there is no safety equipment on the boat so she just wanders around freely on top of the water. the closest thing to an education she gets is emma's mum talking to her on skype and trying to teach her basic letters + numbers
anyway basically: what the fuck!! i literally cant stop thinking about this - she was SO smart, so cool, so nice, so RATIONAL!! like what on EARTH happened in the interim?? idk which option is more disturbing out of the two options of her either being controlled entirely by this awful man or that she's bought into all the shit he's selling
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jellieclogs · 1 year ago
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october media recap ✩°。 ⋆⸜ 🎧✮
i love music, movies, tv, podcasts, games, books, and more. here's a recap of things i watched in october 2023!!
Tumblr media Tumblr media
music ♫⋆。♪ ₊˚
i've been really into more indie blues type music as autumn comes to a head, my playlist autumn girls this is for you has a bit more songs that i really associate with this season. anyway heres the list!
mitski - my love mine all mine
mitski - i'm your man
these two songs are phenomenal, as is mitski's album "the land is inhospitable and so are we" i actually wrote a brief analysis on my love mine all mine as a love song and breakup song. the feeling it invokes in me is second to none, what a beautiful song.
olivia rodrigo - lacy
sixpence none the richer - kiss me
jane remover - search party
searows - used to be friends
phoebe briders - moon song
iron & wine - flightless bird, american mouth
mazzy star - fade into you
sting - shape of my heart
yeule - software update
yeule - sulky baby
taylor swift - "slut!"
rachel chinouriri - maybe i'm lonely
emile mosseri - jacob and the stone
i actually listen to this song to fall asleep, but i can assure you that i also cry every time i watch those videos on the internet with this song playing in the background. it perfectly encapsulates a feeling of hope and loss. beautifully done. minari was a phenomenal as a (real) movie lover, i love when movies have tracks like this that so clearly stand out from the soundtrack and score.
movies 🎞️✮⋆˙
i haven't watched as many movies as i'd have liked in october, it has been an emotional month to say the least. but, now im on anti-depressants so our regularly scheduled slaying is back. movies will be rated a 1-5 star based on how much i enjoyed it! and NO NOT EVERY MOVIE IS FROM THIS YEAR OR EVEN THIS DECADE <3
talk to me (2022) ★★★★
pearl (2022) ★★★★
the invisible man (2020) ★★★★
child's play (1988) ★★★★
doctor sleep (2019) (fucking insanely good) ★★★★★
bodies bodies bodies (2022) (so camp??) ★★★
call me by your name (2017) ★★★★
silence of the lambs (1991) (this is a perfectly made film. argue with the wall!) ★★★★★
and thats about it, i genuinely have been too busy with school to watch as many films, still have not seen barbie or the fnaf movie because im so busy and too broke to go to the movies constantly LOL. however, i will say what my favorite youtube video topics are currently in my honorable mentions section!!
honorable mentions ˙˖°📷 ༘ ⋆。˚
my current fave youtubers or streamers :3
dead meat (james and chelsea constantly demonstrate a genuine love for horror and have recently been branching out to video games amidst the SAG strike! love them and their work so much, they have definitely made me into more of a horror movie buff)
wendigoon (i will listen to this man talk about anything, but he constantly raises the bar with how informed he is on topics. he just likes to talk abt weird shit and thats really neat idk)
supertf (ive been watching this guy for over 5 years he is still the funniest ow streamer out there sorry)
kyedae (she is rlly funny and even though valorant is boring to watch i watch her play mostly, however i LOVE when she does variety or horror its so funny how scared she gets)
jacksepticeye (watching him play spiderman 2 bc i don't own a ps5, BUT ALSO sean just has the best playthroughs of games like this. love his takes on the game!!)
mike's mic (olivia wilde nodding gif like if you get it you get it!)
games im playing right now :3
the sims 4 (do i need to explain this rlly... i have 2000 hours on sims... currently building a tiny town for the new expansion pack :3 pics here)
sun haven (started playing with my bf, feels like stardew valley with a bigger world and more things to do! i HATE the fishing mechanic. it is not for me babes)
valorant (playing occasionally as i am not very good, but i have alot of skins so yipee)
overwatch (i have 1600 hours in the game unfortunately. addiction is real guys)
fall guys (just recently started playing with my friends again, idk why anyone wouldnt want to play this its free and fun. theres a hatsune miku skin in the game like CMON)
genshin impact (im actually really invested in fontaine's story, if i had multiple hours a day to game i would do all the story quests and things but again, im so b u s y. still farming for arataki itto, pls come home)
bloons td6 (i've somehow racked up 60 hours on this game...its so fun...i love it...)
lastly, my october hyperfixation was...
horror movies and true crime!! i watched over 100 hours of movies, video essays, podcasts, and documentaries relating to horror and true crime. i'm officially burnt out of it though, so i will be back next month to once again happily share my interests!! byeee
- jane ⋆。° ✮
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rexaleph · 1 year ago
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Ohhhhh my god. I have always been me!!! Throwback style vulnerabilityposting
This severe breakdown started (or became unmanagable) when i tried to quit my job earlier this year and it didnt work out. like last time 10 years ago!!! When i tried to transition and the psych i went to couldnt help me and then etc.
i had one idea for how to fix everything and save myself and when it didnt happen i fell apart!!
And like, im much more functional now. ive done everything i could, made good choices, kept up w work but basically deprioritized it, i took care of myself physically, i reached out, made local friends, tried dating, went to a therapist (they said im outside of their competence and need psychiatry/medication - but i have horrific health anxiety and am very scared of psych drugs), reconnected w my family, stopped drinking, made art, took a trip. Instead of hiding in my room for 4 months while everything slipped away and then attempting suicide like i did at 19. (Also made some insane decisions and spent 1/3 of my savings. But all in trying to help myself!) (I did occasionally think back on back rhen and wonder if what i have now is worse than then, but did not draw conclusions on the situation overall)
And the problem then and now ofc is the need for fixing everything and saving myself, finding life as is unbearable! and all the good mental health moves ive made were targeted towards creating a liveable life but i just kept getting worse. Im basically never not crying w terror these days. And what fixed it then was finding another way towards transition and working towards that (slowly and painfully and terrifiedly!) (years long climb out of the abyss!) (I am maybe not in the abyss rn!) I didnt know how to try again right away!!
Like this morning i was like hm, what if i applied for jobs again. (Bc basically seems like my defence got pushed back again, or actually my boss said sth dumb that suggests he sees me sticking around and doesnt realize im not at my limit, i am beyond it, if im meant to finish my thesis i need at least a month off, maybe a whole sabbatical,maybe psychiatric care) And then had this entire epiphany. And i gotta bring lunch to my grandparents across town and like support and take care of them, then go see my parents, whom ive missed and waited for desperately, and now ofc i am contemplating moves they will uh not approve of lmao. Ive been getting ready to have a breakdown in front of them and like ask for a hug bc we havent touched each other in years, and idk if i need that anymore.
Anyway yeah, what does that do to the terror? Idk.
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